Buffy meets the Cats
by Jizabel Disraeli
Summary: BuffyCats the Musical crossover. Buffy needs the Cats to help her stop the apcolype along deal with a semicrazy author.


DISCLAIMER : I own none of the Cats or Buffy characters. They are property of Andrew Loyde Webber and Joss Whedon. I am only using them for this fan fiction.

Buffy Meets the Cats

A Fan Fiction by Shelby O'Connor

Willow- Did you see that, Buffy? I staked one! Yay for me!

Xander- Don't forget about me, Wil. I dusted one myself.

Buffy- You two both did great. Who wants a pizza? It's on me.

Willow/Xander- (**_raise their hands together_**)

Buffy- I think we can cut through this junkyard. We can get there faster.

Tugger/Bombi- (**_sitting together on the giant tire making out :P)_**

Tugger- (**_pulls away from Bombi_**) I think humans are coming.

Bombi- Act normal though I know that may be hard for you.

Tugger- (**_gives Bombi the death glare_**)

Willow/Xander/Buffy- (**_walk into the junkyard and notice the two cats sitting on the tire_**)

Willow- KITTY! (**_runs and picks up Tugger_**)

Tugger- Don't mess up the fur. I just groomed it.

Willow- (**_looks surprised and drops Tugger_**)

Tugger/Bombi- (**_hiss and run away_**)

Willow/Xander/Buffy- (**_look flabbergasted_**)

Xander- Hey, Buff, I'm getting a bit curious. Off to the shadows to eavesdrop!

Alonzo/Victoria/Pouncival/ Many Other Cats That The Author Does Not Feel Like Listing- (**_sneak out into the junkyard for some midnight mischief_**)

Tumblebrutus- Lets go and put some of Tugger's catnip in Munkustap's fur! He'd be up all night!

Pounceival- I say we steal Skimble's vest!

Tugger- I say we look to the left and see the humans that are eavesdropping.

All Cats- (**_heads turn to the left in unison_**)

Demeter- MACAVITY! (**_runs and hits the oven knocking herself out_**)

Quaxo- We really need to do something about our awareness. I can smell that tacky perfume the blonde one is wearing from a mile away.

Buffy- Hey! Watch it!

Xander- Woah! Talking cats! I think we can use this to our advantage Buff. We should… um…. uh… we should (**_looks up_**) LINE!

Author- (**_runs out barefoot wearing a shirt that says "Bite Me Spike" and pajama pants covered in cat eyes… hands Xander a script and points to a line_**)

Xander- Oh. Okay. Wait a minute. We should have you guys help us prevent the apocalypse?

Author- Xander, it is 9:30pm. Give me a break. I'm only 12.

Jemima- You're a young little writer aren't you? (**_puts on her innocent/creepy face_**)

Pouncival- (**_looks at Jemima's face_**) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, MY EYES (**_runs around in circles spazzing until he runs into the oven and lands on top of Demeter… yay… two down_**)

Author- NOT LITTLE! I'm 5 foot 10!

Buffy- HEY, that is sooooooo not fair. (**_stands up next to the Author and is about six inches shorter_**)

Author- Alrighty then. Back to the story. (**_runs away_**)

Xander- (**_sighs_**) We should (**_pauses and looks at script again_**) have you guys help us prevent the apocalypse. (**_pulls out lighter and sets the script on fire_**) OOOOOOOOOH, pretty!

All- (**_stare at Xander_**)

Xander- Sorry.

Tugger- Um… Sure… we could help, I guess.

Pouncival (**_wakes up_**)

Bombi- Shouldn't we get Munkustrap and tell him we're leaving?

Etcetera- Nah, let him worry. And lets leave Pouncival and Demeter here too. We don't need anymore spazzes than we already have.

All- (**_look at Xander and Pouncival… smirk evilly_**)

Xander- Shut up.

Pouncival- (**_points to the right_**) Screw you guys. I'm going home (**_YAY FOR CARTMAN AND SOUTHPARK… turns around and walks back into the oven and knocks himself out once again… yay_**)

Willow- And we're off!

All- (**_skip off merrily out of the junkyard_**)

Xander- Food break. (**_run into a Subway and comes out like two seconds later with his arms full of sandwiches… throws meatball subs at Buffy and Willow and tuna subs to all of the cats… all sit and feast_**)

Spike- (**_walks out of Subway_**) Well hey!

Author- (**_runs back out and gives Spike a rib breaking hug_**)

Spike- Uh… hi. Will you please stop hugging me?

Author- (**_lets go of the very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very … ack… fingers can't type a single word that much… very handsome vampire and walks into subway to get a bag of Sun Chips_**)

Willow- And once again, we're off!

All- (**_continue skipping_**)

Plato- I'm tired. Is there a close by Holiday Inn?

Tugger- (**_throws Plato a bag of catnip_**) You'll never sleep again.

Bombi- That explains a lot.

Victoria- How many of those things do you have Tugger?

Tugger- (**_looks sheepish)_** Enough.

Mungo- If Jenny ever found out…

Tugger- I don't want to think about that so please don't bring it up.

Rumpel- If Jenny ever found out…

Mungo- If Jenny ever found out…

Rumpel- If Jenny ever found out…

Mungo- If Jenny ever found out…

Rumpel- If Jenny ever found out…

Tugger- (**_takes out a one and a half pound bag catnip and walks to the front of the group_**)

Spike- (**_is telling one of his heroic stories_**) So after that I… (**_ground falls away and Spike falls into a pit_**)

Bodiless Voice That Sounds Strangely Like The Author (BVTSSLTA)- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (**_gasps_**) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (**_typing is heard and then followed by maniacal laughter_**)

All- (**_fall into ditch_**) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…

BVTSSLTA- MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… if Blondie Bear suffers so do all!

All- (**_falling through darkness_**) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…

Mistoffolees- What are we doing? (**_raises hands and all are transported into a cozy looking computer room filled with pictures of The Rum Tum Tugger, Pouncival, Sirius Black, Spike, and Johnny Depp_**)

Tugger/Spike- (**_looks around at the walls with a horrified looks on their faces_**)

Author- (**_spins around and minimizes the window playing the CATS DVD… runs out of the office and into her room (which is also covered in pictures of people/cats listed above_**)

Tugger- This chick's got a problem.

Spike- Tell me about it. (**_spots the Authors life-size cut out of himself, Spike… eyes go wide_**) Oh crap.

Author- (_**runs through the bathroom into the guest room… out the door… down the hallway…. Back into the computer room and types "All- **(**disappear and reappear in the Author's junior high science lab**)**"**_)

All- (**_disappear and reappear in the Author's junior high science lab_**)

BVTSSLTA- I'm just going to skip ahead to the apocalypse.

All- (**_stare at the ceiling_**)

Bombi- How does she do that?

Macavity- (**_jumps up from behind a desk_**)

Demeter's Bodyless Voice- MACAVITY!

All- (**_looks scared because of all of the bodiless voices_**)

Tugger- HOLY SH…

BVTSSLTA- This fanfic is rated PG, Tugger. You break that rule I might just fire you.

Tugger- You would never do that.

BVTSSLTA- I know.

Tugger- HOLY CRAP!

BVTSSLTA- That's better

Macatity- Anyway…

Buffy- Who are you?

Bombi- What are you doing here?

Macavity- My name is…

Demeter's Bodiless Voice- MACAVITY!

All- (**_look up at the ceiling again_**)

Macavity- Yeah. What she said. And to answer your question, Bombalurina, I'm stealing one of the science teacher's guinea pigs. I hear that they can feed four!

Mungo- Hey, were you at the mall the other day? Because that is what I told Rumpel and the Author when we were at the pet store!

Macavity- Maybe.

Willow- Wait a minute, you know the Author?

Mungo/Runpel- Yeah, she's a good friend of ours.

Victoria- I know her too.

Plato- TRAITORS!

Victoris/Mungo/Rumpel- (**_run out of the classroom and into the drama room and hide behind the breakfast bar_**)

Plato- COME BACK! I WAS ONLY JOKEING! We lose more kittens that way. (**_shakes his head_**)

Buffy- (**_looks up at the ceiling_**) Why are we here?

BVTSSLTA- (**_typing is heard_**) RUN MY PRETTIES! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Mice- (**_run wild from the storage closet_**)

All Cats- (**_go crazy and chase the mice_**)

Buffy/Willow/Xander- (**_scream and jump up on one of the desks_**)

Spike- (**_only non-cat left standing on the floor_**) Oh you bleeding pansies. (**_looks up_**)Mice? Why Mice?

BVTSSLTA- Writers block. Sorry, Blondie Bear, you'll just to have to let the singing and dancing felines take care of it.

Tumblebrutus- I can live with that. (**_pounces on a mouse and rips it to shreds devouring it_**)

All Cats- (**_finish rounding up all of the mice_**)

Misto- Revenge is sweet. (**_raises hands and all are magically transported back to the Author's computer room_**)

Author- (**_on the phone with her best friend, Juli_**) So we were watching after the kids then Travis… HOLY SH…

Juli/Tugger- Hey hey hey…

Author- CRAP!

Juli- What's wrong now Shelby? Did your printer run out of ink yet today?

Author/Shelby (A/S)- Um… the people/cats in the fanfic I'm writing have come to kill me. Can I put you on speakerphone?

Juil- Sure. You know what's amazing Shelby?

A/S- What?

Juli- How you can watch vampires and singing/dancing felines for hours on end but you can't even listen to your best friend for eight seconds?

A/S- Huh? I lost me at hours.

Juli- My point exactly. Did you take you A.D.D. pill today?

Xander- (**_lunges at A/S_**)

A/S- Maybe. (**_kicks Xander in the crotch making him double over… straps phone onto belt which happens to have a Bombalurina tail tied to the back of it… runs outside_**)

All Cats- (**_pounces on A/S_**)

A/S- (t**_akes a bag of catnip out of her pocket… rips it open… and throw it in the grass_**)

All Cats- (**_chase after catnip_** **_and go totally nuts)_**

Juli- Are you doing anything next week?

A/S- I'm going to Mexico.

Willow- (**_casts spell at A/S_**)

Juli- Fun fun fun.

A/S- Oh so much. (**_dodges spell_**) Hey look! There is a demon stabbing a girl to death down there by the stop sign!

Willow- You can't be serious. We wouldn't believe that.

A/S- No. I'm not. This is Sirius. (**_opens the garage door and there is Sirius Black playing with A/S's dog_**)

Spike/Tugger- (**_look at A/S and run_**)

A/S- Aw… why did they run away? Oh well… I'll get them later.

Juli- How you doing Shelby?

A/S- I think I'm winning. Hold on, Juli, I'll call you back.

Juli- Okay. I'll make brownies! Bye.

A/S- (**_turns off phone and throws it at Willows head sending the spell she was about to cast right towards Buffy_**)

Buffy- (**_knocked out by Willow's spell_**)

Willow- (**_knocked out by the phone's blow to her head_**)

Xander- (**_playing with A/S's phenomenal collection of Harry Potter Legos_**) The colors!

All Cats- (**_still in the grass going crazy witch the catnip_**)

Spike/Tugger- (**_now running across Georgia_**)

Dorthy- Todo, (**_looks around_**) I don't think we're in Kansas anymore! (**_suddenly attacked by munchkins… yay_**) HOLY CRAP!

Johnny Depp- (**_sitting on the couch reading my fanfic_**) This is bizarre.

A/S- (**_appears next to Johnny on his couch and gives him the same rib breaking hug as she did to Spike and then disappears again_**)

Johnny- I need to drink less caffeine.

A/S- (**_sits back down at her computer and starts to type again_**)

All But A/S- (**_disappear and go back to where they were before this ever happened and they don't remember a thing… yay… my but is saved_**)

A/S- (**_walks outside and picks up phone… walks back inside… and calls Juli back_**)

Juli- Hi.

A/S- Hi. So… how are those brownies coming?


End file.
